I Truly Envy The Religious Among You
To all of my friends in the world who possess religious faith, I envy you. You have managed to fill the spiritual void in your lives with your belief system, and here I am, a pilgrim in the universe perpetually seeking truth and understanding. I probably have spent about 80 – 90% of the mental free time in my life comtemplating the meaning and yearning for absolute knowledge of the spiritual undercurrent that I believe drives this existence we occupy. Certainly there must be something far greater, and while I will spend my whole life trying to understand or comprehend it with my limited human intellect and imagination, you lucky folks have found it. You know it, you possess it, and you file it away for when you need it.
While out walking tonight, I looked skyward and saw a wondrous painting of distant stars sprinkled throughout the cosmos. I reckon I best I could only see a fraction of a trillionth of the universe. I am one of nearly 9 billion humans who are only one of millions of species that occupy this rock that floats through space. While you have a great understanding of your spiritual purpose, I am left to wonder about the greater purpose of it all. I envy you.
Of course some of you believe that your deity will punish/torture me eternally for being intellectually skeptical of his or her existence within the parameters of your beliefs, but I’d much rather spend the remainder of existence being tortured than to ‘pretend’ to believe something that I do not, let alone a monstrous cosmic tyrant.
Being raised in a strictly Southern Baptist existence early on, I assumed I had it all understood. But once I got old enough and found the courage to know that my beliefs were based on fear of eternal damnation, I looked elsewhere. For many people, this religion works very well for them and gives them what they need and I commend and respect them. However, it left me with more questions than answers (and the rule that ‘questioning’ is a sin, ironically). I now find comfort in Taoism and Buddhism to high degrees, but not to the point of completely identifying with them. Atheism doesn’t work for me either, as I am sure there is something far greater than meets the eye. Agnosticism seems to be the best I could ever hope to attain in this incarnation. I could never believe in a simple God who is petty and possesses the worst of human traits. Yet, I could never believe in absolutely nothing. The answers probably lie within us all.
While my some of my friends are fortunate enough to have figured it all out, I keep walking and digging and peeling and dreaming. It’s all kinda cool when you really step back and fall into the depth of a clear night sky. Namaste, folks.