Anderson "The Spider" Silva Retires From MMA To Follow His True Passion

       Sometimes sudden retirements aren’t really all that surprising. If you ask Anderson Silva’s closest friends what his real goal in life was, you might be surprised to know that it isn’t pummeling people with the ferocity of a killer whale trying to escape from the death grip of a water rhino. Since he was a child, Silva has had but one clearcut dream, and after what scientists call “beating the holy hellfuck out of Chael ‘Silly Goose’ Sonnen” on Saturday, he has abruptly announced his retirement so that he may pursue his happiness. That happiness and dream: bring a court stenographer. Silva, who apparently is only 12″ tall according to my TV screen, may face many challenges with this new profession, but if there is one thing we know he won’t give up without a fight. If his clerical skills are half as good as his ability to kick ass, there is no doubt that he will succeed at the highest level, or at least land a good job in a courthouse in some podunk Texas town.

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