NBA Action: It’s Spoooradic! (Stream Of Conscious Everchanging Random NBA Article)
Finally, putting an end to the drama, the Orlando Magic have just completed a trade with the Brooklyn Nets involving Dwight Howard. The Nets will recieve Howard, but at an incredible cost. The Magic will recieve Brook Lopez, 4 first round draft choices, a 1988 Toyota Camry, 17 boxes of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (it IS the cheesiest), the Beatles white album on vinyl, season tickets to the Nets games, and the former Mr. Kardashian Kris Humphries. In fact, some sources indicate that there might be a couple of Kim’s ass shots thrown in for good measure. To complete the deal, the Nets have also had to agree to make Howard the assistant GM and assistant head coach. When disagreements happen, the team must completely defer to Howard, who will have the final word. Brooklyn must also agree to change it’s name to Dwightborough. Also, the Higgs Boson Particle must now wear the number 12.
We’ll have more on this story after some missed free throws…
UPDATE – Just to be sure that the Lakers don’t do more than one season without being a number 1 seed, the powers that be made sure that they landed Dwight Howard. The NBA is fixed. Fuck the Lakers… Also, Fuck the 76ers and Nuggets for pitching in to make the deal happen. I am done with pro basketball. Fuckers.
UPDATE – Comedy and karma unite as Dwight’s debut against the Mavericks was an absolute flop. Dallas beat the Lakers 99 – 91 on Tuesday, October 30, 2012. Stacking the deck will hopefully create an implosion within the Lakers where the lack of chemistry and omnipresence of egos force the team to fall apart.
UPDATE – Bring on the New Orleans Pelicans! Now THAT sounds interesting! Also, it was great to see the Orlando Magic clobber the Lakers in Dwight’s first match against his former team.
UPDATE: Now New Orleans has registered 5 potential new names… seriously, the Mosquitos??? wow!
New Orleans Pelicans
New Orleans Rougarou
New Orleans Mosquitos
New Orleans Swamp Dogs
New Orleans Bullsharks
Those names all sound godawful… except I can dig the Pelicans!
PS – The Orlando Magic are looking A-OK at the moment…
UPDATE (12/31/12) So the LA Clippers have won 17 in a row driven by Chris Paul and Blake Griffin. That is absurdly wonderful. How many seasons did the Clippers not win 17 games?
(Blake Griffin – The NEW King Of Los Angeles)
UPDATE: 1/4/13… tonight, January 4, 2013, the Los Angeles Clippers play the Los Angeles Lakers for the BATTLE OF… some town in California. I hope the Clippers win by 40 and that Blake Griffin systematically power dunks on every member of the Lakers’ roster.
UPDATE: 4/20/13… The Grizzlies and Clippers meet up for a rematch of last year in the first round of the playoffs. Although this may cause friction in my household, I must proudly exclaim “Go Grizzlies!”
The 2013 NBA playoff bracket:
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