Black Metal Fan Charged With Arson Had Misguided Motives

Brandon “Satanhammer” Taylor of Memphis, Tennessee has never been considered the brightest among his peers, but the fire he sparked late last night will have an impact for years to come. Trying to mimic his heroes of the early Norwegian black metal music scene, Taylor decided to burn Church’s. Not churches, mind you, but Church’s… the fried chicken restaurant. The act will likely land him in prison for many years, but no doubt he will feel martyred. Taylor was quoted as telling some friends that he intends to be as “reviled as Kristian Vikernes (alleged musician for a band called Burzum) and as worshipped as Oystein Aarseth (inventor of the cotton gin).” After sending letters to “false, non-evil” local metal bands like Crawl, Pengea, and Kreapr accusing them of being pretenders and eventual goat food, Taylor was court ordered to stay away from several Memphis concert venues. Most people blame his anger on not being hired as the guitarist for Pengea (whom he considered evil, yet decidedly not black metal). Others, of course, write him off as a misguided kid who simply did not get enough hugs as a child.

We’ll have more on this story after we dodge a blaze in the northern sky under a funeral moon.

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