Libertarian Party Nominee Gary Johnson To Use Beastie Boys Song As Theme For His Presidential Campaign
“You wake up late for school but you don’t wanna go…”
That is how new Libertarian Party nominee Gary Johnson will be introduced to crowds from now until November. Running on a platform of personal financial responsibility, social tolerance, and the inalienable God-given right to party, Johnson hopes that the planets align and a third party can actually make headway during this election. Going against the likes of Barack Obama and Mitt Romney, it’s not going to be easy, but if there is one thing Johnson has on both of them, it’s his ability to withstand the loss of his father pitching his best porno mags. While Obama ‘preaches class (warfare) like he’s some kinda jerk’ and Mitt Romney (that funky Romney) will never get kicked out of his house for not cutting his hair, Johnson hopes to be the beneficiary of the Big Two’s bloody mudslinging fight ’til death. By the time November comes along, half the country will believe that if one of these guys is elected, it will surely be the end of civilization, while the other half will believe the same thing about the other. Therein lies the power of Gary Johnson. Somewhere in the middle, he believes he could breakthrough with a campaign so ill, people will be forced to consider it, before of course skipping over him to vote for one of the others.