Manowar Denies Romney Permission To Use Song For Presidential Campaign
Sources have indicated to us that heavy metal band Manowar have denied Mitt Romney permission to use their song “Blow Your Speakers” for his Presidential campaign. Romney will most likely (unless you are the most hardened believer in Newt Gingrich) be running against incumbent Barack Obama in what experts refer to as ‘the most boring Presidential campaign in American history’. His desire to use the Manowar song was a clear attempt to pander to the women voters who seem at this point more inclined to vote for Obama by a 15 to 20 percent margin.
Romney campaign spokesperson Larry Seymour said “This song was to be a key cog in our machine to victory. The lyrics spell out perfectly our strategy and speak to our values. I think it was a critical move by Manowar to decline us here. Their album sales will no doubt suffer due to the continued only slight improvement of the economy.” When asked by a UNF reporter “What the hell does being a cog in the machine to victory even mean?” Seymour said “You are twisting my words. That is bullshit. You people just print whatever you want anyway.” We assume that the Santorum defense is definitely in season…
Manowar spokesman and rap aficionado Docta Smoov said of the issue “Look, Manowar are kingmakers. Not Presidentmakers. Romney is just outta touch with the ladies. He can’t be using my boys to steal votes. Men play on ten, Mitt is stuck on about 4. Besides, we have no political ties. That’s real.”
Seymour did leave us with this. “Even though Manowar has rejected us, we are going to put the American people back to work. Even if the jobs still won’t pay much, at least they will be employed and they can pay taxes too so that we can afford our golf outings. And, if Manowar doesn’t want to join us, then we’ll just ask the Spudmonsters or Laaz Rockit to let us use a song. The American people will prevail. Anyway, Kid rock still likes us so there!” Smoov, when told of this came back with “Who the fuck is Kid Rock?”
We’ll have more on this story after we hail and/or kill something.
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